CAN WE TALK? Increasingly when it comes to pleasant and productive social phone conversations, the answer is no.

Flashback to pre-cellphone, pre-answering-machine, pre-call-waiting,pre-email days. You want to plan an event, swap information, or just say hello, with a friend or social acquaintance. You intended conversation partner (hereafter 'target') at home on his only phone, which is hard-wired to the phone network. If you reached him and he was free to talk you maybe made that date, learned something, got reacquainted or whatever. And heard each other clearly all the while! If you got a busy signal or no answer you just tried later. Alas, new echnologies designed to aid communication have actually interfered with this simple and productive scenario.

#1 Answering machines: The first in series of communication impediments, the answering machine may actually save the day (see later).

#2 Call waiting. It is really annoying to finally get hold of someone only to have them cut out to take a call-waiting call. And the second caller might prefer to just get a busy signal and try later than hear "I'm on another call, can you hang on?"

#3 Email. While great for broadcasting information, it has had the effect of discouraging actual conversation. It's so easy just to shoot some text down the line and obligate the target. A call is a courtesy that is especially appropriate when you are

    * asking a favor
    * requesting information
    * making or breaking a social engagement, or
    * bringing up a matter which requires some discussion.

#4 Cell phones. A great convenience for calling when away from you regular phone, or connecting with someone where a rendezvous has gone awry. But cells present us several impediments to best social communication. The worst situation is when people you usually converse with on the phone no longer have a home landline. So one does not know whether, when they answer, they are at home or out and about and quite possibly not well situated to having that social conversation you were seeking. Or assuming some physical risk by
talking at all, such as when driving. The effect is often a greater reluctance to call, thus diminishing further social communication.

Suggestions:

>Even if you have cell, maintain a real landline phone at home, and encourage people to try that first.  And take comfort in that when you dial 911 you will get the local fire or police, not a state trooper! And if you have moved from another state, get a local cell phone number so your callers have to call long distance.

>Take a pass on call waiting.

>Make your calls from your landline as a first option.

>If your intended conversation partner also has a real (landline) phone, try that number first.

>Before sending that email on a strictly non-urgent social item or something that needs discussion, consider actually calling your target when it is quite possible that you can reach them. The quality of the exchange will likely be both more informative and enjoyable. And you might be able to "close the deal" in that conversation rather than in several back and forth emails.

>If your target is not home and you have something useful to say that can't wait too long (like "there's a party tonight at...") the message you leave on their answering machine will probably easier to retrieve and more fulsome that your email text. And no spell check is necessary!

>If you want to weed out telemarketers or other undesirable calls, get caller ID rather than screen via the answering machine, which practice is moderately rude to callers from whom you do want to hear.

>Set your answering machine to kick in after enough rings to have a change to pick up first (unless caller id has spotted an unwanted caller, of course).

Happy conversing!

Thurman

P.S. Oh, yes. My home phone number is 781-388-9386. Call me anytime!